Awake

I've taken some “creative license” as I post this latest iPhone rant.

Actually this is not a rant. There’s no obscene language, and no raised voice or shouting today. In fact, today my thoughts took me in a direction quite contrary to my previous offerings. It is fascinating to come home from work and listen to my own voice, words, and thoughts as they stream from my mind as I drive to work.

Today I see no need for parental advisory, per se, aside from this standing common sense advisory: Always consider the possibility of politics and life’s bigger issues being topics discussed as I share my thoughts with you. I am an adult (in age, anyway), alone in my vehicle speaking to people I expect are adults. I operate in this space as a free speech zone with no requirement for censorship, outside of my own desire to self-edit for the sake of clarity or any other purpose I see fit.

And while I know children may be in some of your lives periodically or on a daily basis, I ask that you take responsibility for the words those children may hear so I don’t have to in this forum. And on the occasion I may have something to say that you consider within the scope of their maturity, you’ll make that decision just as you make many other decisions with their best interests in mind.

Anyway, I mentioned creative license; as I spoke today I discussed something already written, which I planned to put up with this clip. Yeah… not so much, I've decided. I changed everything, as is my right. I've got a good draft working for a “Friday Night Videos” entry, but today after listening to myself speak (and laughing a bit, I might add) I need to take a different approach.

On more than one occasion I have been told by a coworker that I am far too awake for such an early hour; yet when I arrive at work, I feel I am still very much not awake.

My employment involves great attention to detail. Our company fabricates gaskets for the aerospace, medical, automotive, communication and other industries including contractors that supply components directly to the United States military. While it is not all my job entails, much of my work entails reading blueprints. From there, depending on what stage each job is in within our company, I am either responsible for purchasing materials or comparing fabricated parts against the requirements set forth by the information provided therein. Sometimes that requires seeking multiple sources of information. References can be made to material specifications, packaging requirements, other drawings, change order notations created as revision levels change for various reasons, and many other factors.


I have a very active mind and I can be easily distracted. Methamphetamine accelerated that activity to the point that I became a danger to society. So that, plus the fact that my teeth were falling out and my insides felt like they were not as they should be was just not appealing anymore when I realized I was going to be homeless if I continued to...

My job has been an excellent place for me to find myself. In my work I am required to slow down and be certain of each and every detail, for it is my signature that represents our company when the parts we create arrive on a receiving dock. That’s a great amount of responsibility to bestow upon one individual, and while we work as a team and we believe success and failures are achieved together, I take the certifications we provide and my signature on those documents very seriously.

The day I was at my lowest, I lived the most. On that day and from that point forward I decided to affect my destiny rather than accept my fate. With the help of God and the many blessings he bestowed upon me I was saved, even though I did not know it then.

There are things I will discuss here which are not for shock value; they are for reference, and for healing.

I've really been working on becoming comfortable with myself for a long time now. I have it on trusted authority that we all suffer from this affliction at some level, and that same trusted authority has also suggested I continue to share what I've learned, so we can all grow together.


Thank you all so much for the time you share with me. You're helping me find my way, and I greatly appreciate your help. The process of becoming comfortable in my own skin is a remarkable experience, and I'm so grateful to be sharing it with you. I am truly blessed.

Oh, one more thought, aside from the general grammatical errors I hear in my own speaking from time to time, which I will work on as we have more of these early morning conversations. It’s “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” Not “upon you,” as I said this morning. Sorry Mom.

Like I said, it’s fascinating.