What Is Gaslighting?

The first part of this is copied from a friend’s Facebook page, with some small edits for ease of reading. I then added my own thoughts as it relates to It is a little lengthy, but I believe well worth reading.

 

"What is Gaslighting?"

 

The term originates in the systematic psychological manipulation of a victim by her husband in Patrick Hamilton’s 1938 stage play Gas Light, and the film adaptations released in 1940 and 1944. In the story, the husband attempts to convince his wife and others that she is insane by manipulating small elements of their environment and insisting that she is mistaken, remembering things incorrectly, or delusional when she points out these changes. The play's title alludes to how the abusive husband slowly dims the gas lights in their home, while pretending nothing has changed, in an effort to make his wife doubt her own perceptions. The wife repeatedly asks her husband to confirm her perceptions about the dimming lights, but in defiance of reality, he keeps insisting that the lights are the same and instead it is she who is going insane.

 We are living in a perpetual state of gaslighting. What we are being told by the media is reality, is actually at complete odds with what we are seeing with our own two eyes. And when we question the false reality that we are being presented, or we claim that what we see is that actual reality, we are vilified as racist or bigots or just plain crazy.

 You’re not racist. You’re not crazy. You’re being gaslighted.

 New York State has twice as many deaths from Covid-19 than any other state, and New York has accounted for one fifth of all Covid-19 deaths, but we are told that New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has handled thepandemic better than any other governor. [For the record, Cuomo issued an order that elderly care facilities and nursing homes must receive COVID-19 patients, and that order is said to have caused around 10,000 deaths that likely wouldn’thave happened otherwise].

 But if we support policies of Governors whose states had only a fraction of the infections and deaths as New York (like Florida’s Ron DeSantis and South Dakota’s Kristi Noem), we’re called anti-science and told that we want people to die.

 So, we ask ourselves, am I crazy? No, you’re being gaslighted.

 We see mobs of people looting stores, smashing windows, setting cars on fire and burning down buildings, but we are told that thesedemonstrations are peaceful protests. And when we call this destruction of our cities, riots, we are called racists.

 So, we ask ourselves, am I crazy? No, you’re being gaslighted.

 We see the major problem destroying many inner-cities is crime; murder, gang violence, drug dealing, drive-by shootings, armed robbery. But we are told that it is not crime, but the police that are the problem in the inner-cities. We are told we must defund the police and remove lawenforcement from crime-riddled cities to make them safer.

 But if we advocate for more policing in cities overrun by crime, we are accused of being white supremacists and racists.

 So, we ask ourselves, am I crazy? No, you’re being gaslighted.

 The United States of America accepts more immigrants than any other country in the world. The vast majority of the immigrants are “people of color”, and these immigrants are enjoying freedom and economic opportunity not available to them in their country of origin.

 But we are told that the United States is the most racist and oppressive country on the planet, and if we disagree, we are called racist and xenophobic.

 So, we ask ourselves, am I crazy? No, you’re being gaslighted.

 Capitalist countries are the most prosperous countries in the world. The standard of living is the highest in capitalist countries. We see more poor people move up the economic ladder to the middle and even the wealthy class through their effort and ability in capitalist countries, than in any other economic system in the world.

 But we are told capitalism is an oppressive system designed to keep people down.

 So, we ask ourselves, am I crazy? No, you’re being gaslighted.

 Communist countries killed over 100 million people in the 20th century. Communist countries strip their citizens of basic human rights, dictate every aspect of their lives, treat their citizens like slaves, and drive their economies into the ground.

 But we are told that Communism is the fairest, most equitable, freest and most prosperous economic system in the world.

 So, we ask ourselves, am I crazy? No, you’re being gaslighted.

 The most egregious example of gaslighting is the concept of “white fragility”. You spend your life trying to be a good person, trying to treat people fairly and with respect. You disavow racism and bigotry in all its forms. You judge people solely on the content of their character and not by the color of their skin. You don’t discriminate based on race or ethnicity.

 But you are told you are a racist, not because of something you did or said, but solely because of the color of your skin. You know instinctively that charging someone with racism because of their skin color is itself racist. You know that you are not racist, so you defend yourself and your character, but you are told that your defense of yourself is proof of your racism.

 So, we ask ourselves, am I crazy? No, you’re beinggaslighted.

 Gaslighting has become one of the most pervasive and destructive tactics in American politics. It is the exact opposite of what our political system was meant to be. It deals in lies and psychological coercion, and not the truth and intellectual discourse.

 If you ever ask yourself if you’re crazy, you are not. Crazy people aren’t sane enough to ask themselves if they’re crazy.

 So trust yourself, believe what’s in your heart. Trust your eyes over what you are told. Never listen to the people who tell you that you are crazy, because you are not, you’re being gaslighted.

 Sophocles said: "What people believe prevails over the truth." And that's what the media are trying to exploit.

 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 It’s also worth noting that George Orwell predicted much of what we’re seeing today.

 A perfect and incredibly simple example is the recent and ridiculous flaunting of power by Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi. Her disregard of local mask mandate and disrespect for a local business by blaming them for her behavior is straight out of Orwell’s “Animal Farm,” which gave us the famous line, “All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.” Many other Establishment individuals have behaved in kind.. Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot got a haircut immediately after shuttering all salons. Arizona Governor Doug Ducey was seen at a large backyard gathering sans mask. New York Mayor Bill DeBlasio gave a speech without a mask on while he was surrounded by people about an hour after city officials urged the public to don face masks. The list goes on, and on, and on...

 In his novel “1984” it was “The Party” that controlled every aspect of the peoples’ lives in Oceania.

 Today we see what is commonly known as “The Establishment,” which is our entrenched bureaucracy that will fight with every ounce of its being to maintain their grip on the power structures of the nation.

 Today’s “mainstream” news media is quite similar to Orwell’s “Ministry of Truth,” in that it works closely with The Establishment to help them maintain their grip on power. They use gaslighting in their effort to do this, much like “MiniTrue” used “Newspeak” and its “doublethink” to make the people of Oceana believe what they knew not to be true.

 This is because as long as The Establishment has power, so does the “mainstream” news media. Their mutually beneficial relationship is becoming more and more evident, especially as we come closer to this election.

 In the next two months we will be subjected to anoverwhelming number of “Trump scandals” based on unsubstantiated claims made by anonymous “sources,” run through the news outlets at The New York Times, CNN, Washington Post, and MSNBC, with the rest of the outlets left obligated to report the same stories or be deemed un-newsworthy by The Establishment.

 We just saw one of these yesterday, as the Editor-in-Chief of ‘The Atlantic’ put forward an article based on the unsubstantiated claims of four unverified sources that in 2018, President Trump had said some very disrespectful things about the fallen Americans at Aisne-Marne American Cemetery near Paris.

 Within hours, a number of people who do not work for CNN and the other aforementioned major mainstream news media outlets had been able to contact individuals who’d been with Trump during that trip, including former National Security Advisor John Bolton (no fan of Trump) and Secretary of StateMike Pompeo, who at the time was serving as CIA Director and traveled with POTUS extensively.

 Bolton, Pompeo, and the others all denied hearing Trump say anything of the sort. In fact Bolton chided that had he heard such, he’d have written an entire chapter in his anti-Trump book that was recently in the news for being so controversial.

 But the damage was done. Joe Biden held a speaking engagement in an empty gymnasium yesterday morning and the press took advantage of the opportunity to extend the narrative. Nearly every question asked of Biden was related to something that Trump had said, including the very firstquestion in which a writer for Jeffrey Goldberg’s ‘The Atlantic’ asked Biden about this article, and what those unsubstantiated words from Trump indicated about the soul of the man charged with leading our nation.

 The story dominated the news cycle yesterday and removed from the headlines Pelosi’s disrespect for the owner of the salon she’d received service from just a couple of days prior. Biden’s many gaffes an unintelligible statements were an afterthought, because Orange Man Bad had “done it again,” even though what they were saying he did was related to an event that had taken place two years prior.

 Beware the gaslighting. Don’t believe the narrative. Continue to seek the truth in the face of all the lies. Believe in yourself to know right from wrong in the midst of a storm of disinformation.

And as an addendum.. this tweet from Lara Logan, which was in response to a tweet by some "blue-check" Stanford professor called Michael McFaul. McFaul's tweet has since been deleted.

Nightly Reading for August 3, 2020

Every day while I'm at work as I listen to the radio or glance at social media during breaks, I inevitably find a couple or three articles I’m interested in reading. With some days being busier than others, I find myself on the busier days sending an email to myself at home in the effort to pick up on the reading later over dinner. Of course some days are more successful than others… you know that drill, I’m sure.

 But I thought to myself today, “Self, why don’t you just post those links to your blog? That way you’ll be inspired to check the blog later, which may lead you to write more. And even if you don’t write more, you’ll at least be sharing some interesting reading with others. After all, they may not have otherwise seen the articles you see, since the interwebs is a rather expansive place."

It's worth noting that not all the articles I read and will link here are exactly aligned with my thinking. For example, the NYT piece I'm linking today looks like it is rather critical of one of my favorite writer/pundit types - Mollie Hemmingway. But I'm openminded and willing to see what the author has to say in his piece. Maybe it'll show me a side of her I don't necessarily see, or maybe it'll inspire a rebuttal (even if it's no more than a thought exercise and nobody ever reads it).

 So with no further ado… here are tonight’s nightly reading selections. I honestly haven’t made it much further than the first paragraph in any of these at the time I’m posting them here.

https://newdiscourses.com/2020/08/2-plus-2-never-equals-5/

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/08/03/us/politics/the-federalist-trump-liberals.html

https://peckford42.wordpress.com/2020/08/01/24231/

That Shining City on a Hill

I randomly came upon a couple of YouTube clips of President Reagan being interviewed by Johnny Carson in 1975. I’ll post those later, but they are not what led me here this evening.

Those clips led me to find Reagan’s Presidential farewell address, in which I was somewhat surprised to find that many of the same things I see in today’s America existed over thirty years ago just the same.

As he closed his speech, Reagan discussed what he called his desire for an "informed patriotism." He lamented the fact that perhaps America was not teaching its children enough of what she represents in terms of the long history of mankind.

"Those of us who are over 35 or so years of age [in 1989, mind you] grew up in a different America," he said. "We were taught, very directly, what it means to be an American. And we absorbed, almost in the air, a love of country and an appreciation of its institutions. If you didn't get these things from your family you got them from the neighborhood, from the father down the street who fought in Korea or the family who lost someone at Anzio. Or you could get a sense of patriotism from school. And if all else failed you could get a sense of patriotism from the popular culture. The movies celebrated democratic values and implicitly reinforced the idea that America was special. TV was like that, too, through the mid-sixties."

I might suggest that while the paradigm was somewhat shifting during his time at The White House, America... or at least my vision of her, was largely that same patriotic nation he remembered, throughout the 1980's and into the early 1990's.

"But now, we're about to enter the nineties," he continued, and some things have changed. Younger parents aren't sure that an unambivalent appreciation of America is the right thing to teach modern children. And as for those who create the popular culture, well-grounded patriotism is no longer the style. Our spirit is back, but we haven't reinstitutionalized it. We've got to do a better job of getting across that America is freedom -- freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom of enterprise. And freedom is special and rare. It's fragile; it needs production [protection]."

This is what I see today. I believe there is an entire generation... maybe two generations... that largely don't understand America as I understand her. Imperfect, but incredible. A beacon of hope for the rest of the world. That "shining city upon a hill" Reagan spoke of so eloquently. A place where everyone may not be born into the same circumstances, but with hard work and some luck, everyone has an opportunity to make of himself and his life whatever he wants it to be.

Instead, America is teaching its children that this nation is evil. Our education system is indoctrinating children with the belief that America was founded for the purpose of chattel slavery of black peoples, and to kill the indigenous peoples, and to enrich the white man beyond their wildest imagination.

This simply is not true. America’s Founding Fathers knew the evils of slavery. They wrote about it extensively. Presidents Washington and Jefferson both refused to sell their slaves – not because they were fearful of being without them, but because they knew they as white landowners were in a position to protect them and maintain their family units, which would be nearly impossible if any or all of these people had been sold into the trade market.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” These were not just words on a piece of paper; this was the ideal from which a great nation was born. An imperfect nation that had to grow. An imperfect nation, within which hundreds of thousands of its own citizens would sacrifice themselves for the betterment of the nation they loved and the freedom of their fellow man, so that it might grow to become a more perfect union, wherein Liberty and Justice for all might someday become the only way of life anyone could ever know. 

“So, we've got to teach history based not on what's in fashion but what's important -- why the Pilgrims came here, who Jimmy Doolittle was, and what those 30 seconds over Tokyo meant.”

Reagan continued, “You know, 4 years ago on the 40th anniversary of D - Day, I read a letter from a young woman writing to her late father, who'd fought on Omaha Beach. Her name was Lisa Zanatta Henn, and she said, ``We will always remember, we will never forget what the boys of Normandy did.''

“Well, let's help her keep her word,” he said. “If we forget what we did, we won't know who we are. I'm warning of an eradication of the American memory that could result, ultimately, in an erosion of the American spirit. Let's start with some basics: more attention to American history and a greater emphasis on civic ritual.”

It's the idea of civic ritual that’s been lost as much as or more than anything. Americans aren’t Americans like we used to be. If you had to hide under your desk for fear of the Russians dropping nukes on your school, you get a much greater sense of community than if you’re told the lie that your President is a stooge for the Russians. If you are constantly told that police are bad and that they’re out to get you, your natural reaction when interacting with police will be to recoil, and potentially act out in violence for fear of being harmed or killed by these people you’ve been taught to fear. And if you’re taught that those who happen to have success or have been born into wealth are selfish, and oppressing any chance you for success, you’re likely to resent them. And when you’re indoctrinated with the additional belief that your skin color is the reason these selfish people are holding you back…well, here we are today.

We need to work together to mend what ails us. We need the “news” media to be fair and honest, not partisan and dishonest. We need to remember the “golden rule” and treat each other as we would expect to be treated in kind. We need to not judge people on any more than their actions, and we need to be worthy of positive judgment for actions of our own.

America can still be that Shining City on a Hill. It’s up to you and me.

The Coming Insurrection

That the statute of Vladimir Lenin still stands in Seattle while they’re toppling statues of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Abraham Lincoln tells us all we need to know about these people NPR, CNN, and MSNBC continue to call “peaceful protesters,” even though the peaceful protesters have almost all gone home.

This isn’t about George Floyd anymore. What started as a legitimate stand against a terrible injustice has been hijacked by a leftist mob that’s been indoctrinated by the university and public education system.

What we are now witnessing is a totalitarian uprising aimed at the destruction of The United States of America.

And, the “leadership” of the Democrat party and the majority of the “mainstream media” is aiding and abetting this hostility, because they have no more love for our great history than these radicals.. heck, they’re part and parcel of the same.

I don’t know how we’re going to stop what’s happening.

Tonight I heard a report from someone I trust that the other night President Trump said it was “great watching this” about the destruction happening to some of the major cities across America. Theoretically, he said this because from a political perspective a Republican might find it beneficial to watch Democrat-run cities burned to the ground, knowing it might offer Republicans a chance to gain support in those previously hostile precincts.

But a President is supposed to be President of ALL Americans. This situation is not one to take up as a partisan issue. So if Trump said what was reported it’s a terrible thing, and one I hope he learns from.. quickly.

Meanwhile, Joe Biden is a shell of a man. He can hardly complete a sentence any longer, and often appears to have no idea where he is or what he’s doing, let alone know what he believes in.

But because of this, Joe Biden the perfect Trojan Horse through which the radicals will try to install their top operative.

At this moment, given the possible candidates, this means it’s likely Kamala Harris. She’s a woman, which Biden has promised, and she’s black (not the African-American type, but more like the Jamaican/Asian type), which fits the need for those who will vote to appease their desire to “check a box” regardless the danger she poses to the nation.

During the Democrat party primary, Kamala Harris announced her desire for reparations. These are payments to black people for something they never suffered at the hands of any fellow American, but it makes an excellent talking point when pandering to people whose vote you need.

If we cannot stop this insurrection, there will be a second American Civil War.

It won’t be a war between black people and white people, or necessarily Democrats versus Republicans, at least at the “average American” level..

Instead, it will be between those who understand that America has been and continues to be the most fundamentally fair and decent nation on earth for all of its citizens, and those who wish to destroy the greatest nation the world has ever seen.

A Brief Follow-Up To My Last Post

Since last I visited, Rich Lowry at National Review put together an excellent summary of the work involved in getting Senator Tom Cotton's Op-Ed to press at The New York Times. 

It's also noteworthy that in the aftermath of the crying by all the leftists, The Times has added an "Editor's Note" as well as put the piece behind their paywall. 

TTFN... see y'all soon.

Safetyism

Boy, has it been a while... 

 I've occasionally used Facebook for the purpose I should use this space for... to be not safe. I enjoy my family and friends on Facebook. And I try like the dickens not to post about controversial subjects there. But because some of them do it sometimes, amnd in turn I want them to listen to what I have to say about important issues of our time, and because coming here sometimes feels like I need to make the commitment to “being a blogger” again like I used to do… I forget, to or choose not to use, this space I created for myself to document the things I see and believe are important in the history of my life, our nation, and the world.

 So, on that note… I am back, and I am going to try to come back more often. If you like what I write, let me know… encourage me! Maybe tell a friend… maybe even drop a dime into my PayPal account over there on the right side of the page under my picture… help me retire earlier than my current course, or buy a Harley part I need, or maybe even get to the point I can leave my day job and write full time, which I admit I would thoroughly enjoy if given the chance.

 

Today I learned about a thing called "Safetyism."

Apparently it's practiced at The New York Times. According to the Twitter thread written by a lady named Bari Weiss who writes for The Times , there is a "civil war" happening inside The New York Times between the (mostly young) "wokes" and the (mostly 40+) liberals. She says it is currently raging inside other publications and companies across the country. 

As Ms. Weiss explains, the "Old Guard" lives by a set of principles we can broadly call civil libertarianism. They assumed they shared that worldview with the young people they hired who called themselves liberals and progressives. But it was an incorrect assumption.

The "New Guard" has a different worldview, in which the right of people to feel emotionally and psychologically safe trumps what were previously considered core liberal values, like free speech.

Safetyism.

 

I'm not familiar with Ms. Weiss' career, but she states that she's been mocked by many people over the past few years for writing about the campus culture wars. "They told me it was a sideshow," she explains, "But this was always why it mattered: The people who graduated from those campuses would rise to power inside key institutions and transform them."

She goes on to explain that she is not surprised by what has now exploded into public view. "In a way, it's oddly comforting: I feel less alone and less crazy trying to explain the dynamic to people," she says. "What I am shocked by is the speed. I thought it would take a few years, not a few weeks."

What is really interesting is how she defines it: 

"Here's one way to think about what's at stake: The New York Times motto is "all the news that's fit to print." One group (the Old Guard) emphasizes the word 'all.' The other (the New Guard), the word 'fit.'"

This all came about because of an Op-Ed written by Senator Tom Cotton, published by the Times on June 3, 2020. Cotton wrote about the potential use of The Insurrection Act, which is a legal means by which a President can use the military inside our borders to restore order when civil unrest is beyond the control of local police, or will not be dealt with by local government officials and public safety is at risk.

In his piece, Cotton creates the clear line of delineation with which any reasonable American would agree; "A majority who seek to protest peacefully shouldn’t be confused with bands of miscreants."

He went on to discuss previous uses of The Insurrection Act. For instance, during the 1950s and 1960s, Presidents Dwight Eisenhower, John Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson called out the military to disperse mobs that prevented school desegregation or threatened innocent lives and property. And more recently, President George H.W. Bush ordered the Army’s Seventh Infantry and 1,500 Marines to protect Los Angeles during race riots in 1992. 

The Times has since apologized for publishing the piece, because the cancel culture just will not have something out there that feels uncomfortable to them. “We’ve examined the piece and the process leading up to its publication. This review made clear that a rushed editorial process led to the publication of an Op-Ed that did not meet our standards,” said the paper’s apology, posted by a Times media reporter.

It is worth noting that The Times has published Opinion pieces in the past by such individuals as Vladimir Putin, Nicolas Maduro, and members of the Taliban, among others, with little or no pushback from its reporters.

I read Cotton's piece. It was completely civil. At no time did he make any statement that led me to believe he wished harm upon any American. 

Of course on Twitter people are making unfounded statements, such as how Cotton suggested "we should use the military to gun down protestors," and how Cotton is "Apolitician inciting racial hatred and state violence against its citizens" and "should not be given a platform like NYT to do so."

Here is the Cotton piece, in case you're interested in reading for yourself.

 

We are at a tipping point in America. Right has become wrong, and truth no longer matters. What feels good is becoming more important that what is, because truth is sometimes scary. And people who cannot deal with truth, or something that offends their personal senses, scream at the top of their lungs until the bad thing is taken away by the adults, who just can't take the childishness of the screaming anymore.

There is no doubt an injustice was done to George Floyd. George Floyd's killing was an act of pure evil.

Sadly, now, because of the mob violence that is taking place in the wake of that killing, injustices have also been done to a number of police officers, including but not limitedto David Dorn. Chief Dorn was shot on Martin Luther King Drive in St. Louis, Missouri, while trying to protect a business owned by a friend. His assassination was broadcast live on Facebook for all the world to see.

Chief Dorn was the father of five, and the grandfather of ten. By all accounts he was an upstanding citizen.

I'll bet celebrities won't be donating thousands or millions of dollars to Chief Dorn's Go Fund Me account, even though Chief Dorn was a Black man just as was George Floyd. I'll bet Al Sharpton won't be running to speak at his funeral. That's if he's given a funeral at all, what with the Chinese Wuhan Virus being such a thing still, unless you're rioting that is... 

Sadly, about a dozen civilians have now also been killed during the mob riots that are being fueled by commentators on CNN and MSNBC, because as Chris Cuomo said, "show me where it says that protests are supposed to be polite and peaceful?"

Mr. Cuomo should check the language of The First Amendment, which is the very same amendment that protects his right to throw rhetorical bombs at Americans and our values on a nightly basis.

Thanks for visiting... I always welcome comments, or come say hi to me on Twitter.

Alone

A long time ago, here in this little corner of cyberspace I share with you, I spoke about one of the most amazing bands I’ve ever had the privilege to have met; King’s X. 

I really didn’t speak of them so much… in hindsight I would say I wrote a biography and added a small personal note at the end.  That personal note was about having met the guys… but to read myself now, I realize I wasn’t really telling the story.

On June 6, 1992, Jerry Gaskill, Doug Pinnick, and Ty Tabor played a show in Cleveland, Ohio at a venue called The Empire. It was a somewhat narrow and long space, so you were either in the crowd or you were sitting at the bar with a little more breathing room.

By the time the band was taking the stage, my friends and I had made our way within the first five rows of eager fans, which spanned all of about ten people wide. I’d be lying if I said we didn’t get our ears blasted out, and I’d be lying even more if I said it wasn’t worth it. King’s X came to play that night, and we were all witnesses. 

As it turns out they were recording that night, and it was the show that the band deemed worthy of their first live release.

As is true with many “smaller” bands, King’s X is known to take a brief reprieve after their show and then spend all the time it takes to share some time with anyone who wishes to say hello. Most bands I follow are great enough to deserve huge recognition, and yet they’re consistently humbler than most “regular” people I’ve ever met. They all seem to enjoy meeting their fans and treating them more as friends. I’ve already started talking about Lincoln Durham and Patrick Sweany, and soon I’ll be telling a story about getting to know The Steepwater Band…

But in the meantime; King’s X.

As Doug and I shook hands and began to talk, he complimented the necklace I was wearing. It was a simple little thing… five chimes hanging from a rope necklace, tied there by fishing line. I had bought that necklace at my one and only Grateful Dead show. I attended this Dead show with my great friend… the first person I met when we moved to Cleveland in 1978, who’d pretty much been my best friend all through my high school days.

And so I offered my necklace to this man I had just met. I did so because he liked it, and because he had just inspired me to find my better self, although I may not have completely understood that in the moment. He refused, but I insisted. We went back and forth a few times, until finally I took the necklace off and leaned over to place it over his head.

Doug told me I would see that necklace again someday. 

In the cover photography for their next album, Dogman, I was amazed to see that Doug was wearing my necklace. It was a most amazing gesture.

Over time I really started missing that necklace. It wasn’t the idea that I gave it away; it was the feeling it had given me when I wore it. 

At that time in my life, I was living a very casual lifestyle. I was managing pizza shops and finding my way up the ladder in the service industry. Working in restaurants, especially the privately owned higher ticket places, employees are often encouraged to “let their freak flag fly,” if you will. Personalities that can entertain at a variety of levels make great bartenders and servers, and I was quite a personality back in the day.

And while never devout in religion, I’ve always been spiritual; always seeking a greater understanding how periods of turbulence and harmony affect my soul. The chimes touched that part of me, and without them I felt a loss of sorts.

So, I talked to friends, family, coworkers…  anyone who would listen, probably… and I asked them to please watch for the pieces… even just the little chimes… maybe in a craft store. I figured if I could put together the pieces I could try to make my own, else ask for help from someone close with craft skills beyond mine.

A couple of years later, for my birthday I believe, my parents gave me the most amazing gift. During their travels they’d found a chime necklace… different yet similar… and so perfect. I’m forever grateful for so much more, but that necklace says everything I will ever need to know about my parents. I am truly blessed.

I still have that wonderful gift my parents gave me. I’ve grown into a new life, with a job in an office environment where a certain level of decorum is the responsible thing to do, and a 50ish year old man wearing chimes isn’t quite within those guidelines.  

And so I don’t wear it every day, but I still love it just as much today as the day they gave it to me. I do wear it whenever I’m out riding my Harley, or any time I go to a show… doing the things that make me who I am… that make me feel free. And every time I lift that necklace around my neck, that feeling comes right back. Harmony.

I just told my friend this story the other night… my old dear friend from high school… and in the process I realized it was he who took me to that fateful Grateful Dead show.

He had never heard the story about the fate of the necklace. Truth be told, I don’t think he remembered the necklace at all, or maybe even that we had seen The Grateful Dead together. But that’s okay… whether he remembered any of that between then and now never mattered.

It’s the fact that we can talk about it today, now that amazing circumstance has rekindled our friendship. We had lost touch for a while. My move to Arizona was at a critical time in both our lives, and we had things we had to do that broke the focus of an everyday friendship.  But thanks to classmates and Facebook, we’ve seemingly picked up at just the right level… for a couple of guys who have led uniquely different lives, all the while understanding that very fact as an integral part of why we are great friends.

As I’ve documented here in times past, I have been through a lot of self-inflicted and circumstantial drama since my move to Arizona. This includes but is not limited to a five-year addiction to methamphetamine.  It’s been one heck of a life. 

But I’m 11-years clean now from the thing that almost killed me, and I know I am a better man for all my life’s experiences.

The night we met, my (now ex) wife and I discussed moving to either Phoenix or Tampa. I’m here, she’s not.

Interestingly, the same friend from Cleveland who introduced me to King's X and encouraged me to go to the Empire show on that hot and humid June night, had somewhere along the way moved to Phoenix. It’s also worth noting that this same friend was the first person to break my trust here in my new home in the desert southwest. I was unaware of exactly how addicted to alcohol my friend was, and how that addiction was causing his life to spiral out of control.

As Memorial Day Weekend approached in 2000, this friend offered my wife and I the opportunity to stay at his place and enjoy a vacation in the city that might become our new home. 

She told me to go have fun, but that she wasn’t interested in going to Phoenix for the weekend, or maybe at all.

Her family life changed in the months leading up to our divorce. Her parents were moving to the Upper Peninsula in Michigan, and her sister was having a child… the first grandchild in the family. What had once been a promise to venture across the country in search of an amazing new life together, became her need to stay rooted in the Great Lakes region. I couldn’t stay, and she wouldn’t leave.

Devastated, I made my way to Arizona on my own.

Within the first three weeks I lived in that loft in Mesa, my friend told me he was two months behind on rent and we were being evicted. Of course, I was a friend… so I trusted him when he suggested we move to the central corridor of Phoenix, north of downtown. He convinced me there would be more and better opportunities in that part of town, and that we just needed to stick together.

On a beautiful day in late May 2001, just a couple of months after my friend and I had made that move that was supposed to bring better opportunities, I was out riding my mountain bike.

I’d been out for about an hour and was ready to head home, but before I wrapped the ride I decided to huff it up a street on the side of a mountain to look at what appeared to be an amazing house. I accomplished my goal and saw that house, so with my adrenalin surging and sweat beading on my brow, I turned around and began to ride back down the hill. 

As I was headed downhill, gaining speed and momentum, a van facing the opposite direction pulled away from the curb. I’ll never know if they were going to cut across my path, but in the split second I saw them and reacted, that’s what I believed.

Unfortunately, that reaction led me to lock my brakes.

When my front brake locked I went flying over the handle bars. At the time I wasn’t wearing a helmet or gloves, and I’d just taken off my shirt. With both arms trying to extend to stop the impact, I plowed into the blacktop with my left shoulder and the left side of my face and head.

There was an ambulance ride, and I spent a couple of nights in ICU for the concussion. In addition to the road rash on my shoulder and face, I had breaks in both my arms and had torn off half of my left earlobe. Thank God for an excellent plastic surgeon.

Apparently, this was just a little too much for my alcoholic friend. Once I was released from the hospital, he informed me that he couldn’t “take care of” me, and that he had to leave. I of course didn’t understand what he was talking about, as taking care of me was my responsibility. But that was that, and he bailed… leaving me with a rather expensive 3-bedroom apartment to handle on my own.

I had to break the lease and move to a place I could afford. I was not able to work for about six weeks, but I did have employment waiting for me upon my healing.

I got myself better and got to work… and in the process met I met evil. 

I’m sure it wasn’t her intention to be what I perceive her to be, but the girl who called herself “Vivacious Vicki” was, in my world, the devil incarnate. She was an addict, although I didn’t know it at the time. You never know, until it’s too late. And then you’re an addict too.

There are too many sordid stories to tell here and now, but as things were at their worst, blessings finally came my way.

Five years of tearing my life apart at the hands of the devil eventually led to the good fortune of meeting a better person, who helped me reconnect with my parents and find my way back to myself. The power of my parents’ respect was enough to make me understand what I had become, and what I had to do.

So I took a 5-day assignment through a temp agency. I started that job on Monday, October 2, 2006. I relapsed in February 2007 for one weekend, but never again.

I still work for that same company today.

I truly believe life has moments of turbulence and moments of harmonious glory, and that the wonder of life is learning to navigate those highs and lows without losing yourself in between. I’ve learned about the lows in a way many never will, and I have certainly been blessed with some highs I’ll never forget.

I have chosen to make my home a place that is two thousand miles away from everyone I love most in this world. But I am blessed to be loved by amazing people who never let me forget who I am, and I know amazing sources of inspiration… friends to me in their own unique way… who remind me that no one should ever be made to feel alone.

Tomorrow night, April 20, 2018, I will have the amazing fortune of coming full circle over an extremely monumental period in my life, as I am going to see King’s X for the first time since that night in Cleveland. What a long, strange trip it’s been.