Sunday, January 27, 2013
Reflection and Introspection
I drove home with the radio off; an hour by myself with only my thoughts (yeah, that can be dangerous), outside the distraction of the rain and the drivers around me…. I wanted to absorb the emotions of the day. As I sit and try to express my thoughts and emotions now I’m finding it rather difficult, even though I am certain that the day that was this day shall bring plenty of reason and understanding to my life moving forward.
I was honored to receive an invitation to attend the service today as my friend Tammy and her family lay to rest the body of her husband LuvPilot. As I left home this morning it was pouring rain, the kind of rain only seen a few times a year here in The Valley of The Sun… I must say it seemed only appropriate. The service was beautiful, touching, and at times inspirational. The stories told assured me of what I already knew even without having ever met him… the man whose life we celebrated today was a good man. Tammy has two boys of whom I know she is very proud… fine young men, by all accounts... and as she read to us words she had written to her sons earlier this week it brought tears to my eyes, just as it did the day I read it on her blog. She made the decision to speak last minute, she explained, and as she told us this and excused herself for the fact that she would be reading from her phone… and then the way she teased at her boys about the fact that she can’t understand why they don’t read her blog… it was a heartwarming moment.
We proceeded to the gravesite… it’s a natural point of introspection; the times we’re reminded that someday we and those we love shall all be in that place… it can be difficult to accept, but important to understand. It’s what we do with our time here that makes the difference…
As I pulled out of the church parking lot, Norman Greenbaum’s “Spirit in the Sky” came on the radio. It’s a little thing… yet perhaps there are no coincidences.
In the process of attending this service, I was blessed with the opportunity to make human, face-to-face connections with a few people I’ve known for some time now, yet with whom my entire friendship and connection until today had been based only on our writings and comments on our blogs. I can’t say how grateful I am for the time I spent with these ladies today. The feeling of acceptance you all have given me over the past few years, and the opportunity to share time with you and to be there for a friend… our friend… y’all are awesome, and I can’t thank you enough.
So as I drove home, and I thought about my ‘new’ friendships for which I feel so blessed… and I thought of my friend Tammy who has a whole new world to face beginning tomorrow as much as or more than any day perhaps this past week… first I got a little choked up and tears came to my eyes… and then I came to the firm decision that it is time. It is time for me to be the change I want to see, and to truly start living life like I haven’t lived in quite some time.
In my past… a number of years past more than recently… I had allowed myself to be brought down by circumstances… some could have been within my control, and some not so much… but when given the opportunity to make a choice, I didn’t assume control and create my own destiny for the better. Over the past few years, but more specifically within the past few months, I’ve been coming out of my self-created shell, and I’ve been making better decisions… creating my destiny rather than accepting fate. But now it’s time… to break my rusty cage. A change is going to come in my life, and it’s going to be for the better. I’m not quite sure what is to come, but I’m ready… I’ll be watching for signs… little tells that indicate a path, or a reason.
I shall stand by a statement made today in the company of friends… the television needs to be turned off, and the brain needs to be turned on. I am smart enough to know the opinions of the TV personalities on the cable news channels as the news breaks, and I don’t need to have my opinion either validated or discounted by some talking head in New York City or Washington, DC. I stay informed well enough by having the radio on as background noise during the day, and if there’s truly breaking news I can make an exception.
I’ve been playing my guitar again; that’s a great thing, it feels good to strum even a few bars a night… and I need to continue working on it. Before I stopped playing consistently I was getting pretty good, and I’d like to play better. Only I can make that happen… it’s not going to happen by osmosis.
I really enjoy writing. I don’t need to be so political about things… and I don’t need to worry about being the next “big thing” in the blogosphere. A few years ago I thought maybe that was where I was… I tried to be aggressive and boisterous, and I wished and hoped for more and more readers… but if I am to live up to the name I have given this place… The Wisdom of Soloman is really more about sharing the things I learn about life that might help others, rather than shouting my political opinion and expecting everyone to agree with me.
I need to read. Based on my understanding of today’s political climate, I’ve been working on the most important book I can think of… yet for a reason I can’t explain other than the magnet that is the boob-tube, it’s taken me over a year to read Atlas Shrugged. I know exactly what my pattern is… over the Christmas season I pick up a book and read, because I am on an airplane and in airports, and because it helps me wind down when I’m visiting my family. Yet I come home, the book gets put up on a shelf, and doesn’t get picked up until the next year. It’s time for that to change.
I have been given plenty of motivation to travel… the jigsaw puzzle of the state of Arizona given to me by my parents this year offers all kinds of ideas for travel right here in my home state. My employer has been bringing me the travel section of the Arizona Republic and discussing with me some of his favorite places. I have coworkers who want to spend time in the Bradshaw Mountains, panning for gold or doing whatever… I have a 4x4 and plenty of time, a few guns to practice shooting, and an acoustic guitar that would love to travel. And today I received an incredible offer I just might accept sooner than later… I hear there’s a lot of beautiful scenery in Utah, and it’s just a day’s drive away…
Perhaps most important of all, it is time for me to delve into my faith, and to gain a greater understanding of what it is I truly believe and how it shall affect my life. During a conversation today I admitted out loud something I recognized not too long ago; there could be perceived an extreme arrogance on my part, to name my blog as I did. As I have said many times, I am not a churchgoing man, yet I consider myself a person with faith in God. I am by no means a student of The Bible; in fact I would say I am far from it. I understand The Ten Commandments, which are the basic tenants of God’s law, and I make an effort each day to live more within those guidelines than ever before. But to say I have wisdom… hmm.
Psalms 111:10 tells us, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever.” I’d say I’m on my way, but there is work to be done.